Good morning,
I would not be around when you read this letter. Don’t get angry
on me. I know some of you truly cared for me, loved me and treated me very
well. I have no complaints on anyone. It was always with myself I had problems.
I feel a growing gap between my soul and my body. And I have become a monster.
I always wanted to be a writer. A writer of science, like Carl Sagan. At last,
this is the only letter I am getting to write.
I
always wanted to be a writer. A writer of science, like Carl Sagan.I loved Science, Stars,
Nature, but then I loved people without knowing that people have long since
divorced from nature. Our feelings are second handed. Our love is constructed.
Our beliefs colored. Our originality valid through artificial art. It has
become truly difficult to love without getting hurt.
The value of a man was reduced to his immediate identity and
nearest possibility. To a vote. To a number. To a thing. Never was a man
treated as a mind. As a glorious thing made up of star dust. In very field, in
studies, in streets, in politics, and in dying and living.
I am writing this kind of letter for the first time. My first
time of a final letter. Forgive me if I fail to make sense.
My
birth is my fatal accident. I can never recover from my childhood loneliness.
The
unappreciated child from my past.
May be I was wrong, all the while, in understanding world. In
understanding love, pain, life, death. There was no urgency. But I always was
rushing. Desperate to start a life. All the while, some people, for them, life
itself is curse. My birth is my fatal accident. I can never recover from my
childhood loneliness. The unappreciated child from my past.
I am not hurt at this moment. I am not sad. I am just empty.
Unconcerned about myself. That’s pathetic. And that’s why I am doing this.
People may dub me as a coward. And selfish, or stupid once I am
gone. I am not bothered about what I am called. I don’t believe in after-death
stories, ghosts, or spirits. If there is anything at all I believe, I believe
that I can travel to the stars. And know about the other worlds.
If you, who is reading this letter can do anything for me, I
have to get 7 months of my fellowship, one lakh and seventy five thousand
rupees. Please see to it that my family is paid that. I have to give some 40
thousand to Ramji. He never asked them back. But please pay that to him from
that.
Let my funeral be silent and smooth. Behave like I just appeared
and gone. Do not shed tears for me. Know that I am happy dead than being alive.
“From shadows to the stars.”
Uma anna, sorry for using your room for this thing.
To ASA family, sorry for disappointing all of you. You loved me
very much. I wish all the very best for the future.
For one last time,
Jai Bheem
I forgot to write the formalities. No one is responsible for my
this act of killing myself.
No one has instigated me, whether by their acts or by their words to this act.
This is my decision and I am the only one responsible for this.
Do not trouble my friends and enemies on this after I am gone.
No one has instigated me, whether by their acts or by their words to this act.
This is my decision and I am the only one responsible for this.
Do not trouble my friends and enemies on this after I am gone.
No comments:
Post a Comment